The April Fools Blank

The April Fools Blank

   This one is a joke episode. The "premise" is that Tori s frustrated that no one at Hollywood Arts celebrates April Fools day- however during the entire episode inane and sporadic things happen without explanation. The principal from Saved By The Bell replaces Sikowitz for a moment before mugging Tori of her purse and running off, Andre asks about his faulty front loading washing machine, characters are referred to as their actors name and constantly break the fourth wall. There is a parody of The Wizard of Oz (which could be better, but isn't bad) as well as one of Match Game which was done surprisingly well. The episode ends with a middle aged man barging into Tori's house and asking for advice due to his wife saying he "Talks to much and doesn't dance" to which the cast responds by performing "Shut Up and Dance"; which is pretty funny as a sort of "in joke" on how often the show has conveniently placed premises to do a song and dance. 

  Drake Bell also shows up.

                  That's about it. I can't review much because there's no real plot to the episode- but it's done well and it's funny. The cast seems like they're actually having fun and ultimately I think the episode pays off very well.

8/10

Tori & Jade's Play Date

Tori & Jade's Play Date

    This one has 10 times as many views because everyone thinks it's porn.

It's not. In this episode Sikowitz says "Hey uh Tori and Jade how about yo be husband in wife in this play here" but follows up 5 minutes later by saying "Tori and Jade you two have terrible synergy you need to like hang out to become friends or whatever". So that's the A-plot.

            The B-plot is Cat and Robbie starting a little thing where they sing songs in order to bring bad news to people. It's pretty good. I've said it before but Robbie and Cat just do well in scenes together. I've also said before that due to the above every 11 year old in the country wants them to bang. Well I'm in too deep now because I want them to bang at this point.

Oh sorry I guess there's more to the A-plot. Tori and Jade hang out at that trendy Japanese restaurant for 16 year olds run by caricatures of Asian Americans. And they don't get along. But then two guys try and hit on them so they solve the problem in a creative way. How do they solve it you ask? You be the judge! Text your vote to 1-866-IDOLS:

A.) They do a song and dance

B.) They do a song and dance

C.) They do a song and dance

D.) They do a song and dance

                                                                                           You're right.

So they do that. And now they're friends I guess? Listen up fellas if you ever see two girls having interpersonal problems in a restaurant just sexually harass them. When you do things right people wont be sure you've done anything at all.

  The song is.. not great. It suffers from the curse of the show- which is that these are 17 year olds singing a 12 year olds kids bop album, so the "Sick burns" in the lyrics end up being a tasteful version of whatever insults the bullies used on me in the 7th grade.

 

 Anyway. It's a pretty good episode. There's some good banter between Beck and Andre (who are cast as twins despite Andre being black and Beck being Canadian) as well as Cat and Robbie (at one point Robbie gets rejected in a way that felt a little close the heart). I think the writers forgot how to write Jade. She yells "No!" a lot like it's her catch phrase but it feels like they just didn't have anything better for her to say whenever she does. All and all this feels like it would be better in season 1.  Nozu is a very gimmicky way to make the characters and setting feel "cool" while providing Tori a place to do song and dances; and it just doesn't make sense that after so many episodes where Jade and Tori become 'friends' they would still absolutely hate eachother in this one.

  That sounds like a critique, but it's still a decent episode all things considered. I'm Ari Shapiro, and this is an 8/10.

Andre's Horrible Girl

Andre's Horrible Girl

    You know I think Dan Schneider doesn't like interracial relationships. I really do. Andre has had like 4 girlfriends/dates and three of them were black and one was Latin American. It's 2012 Dan, comon.

Anyway, remember that slightly racist Asian character from Wok Star? She got promoted to being a recurring character I guess. Except now she owns a far more trendy looking restaurant called Nozu that apparently caters specifically to 17 year olds. Personally I'm just not into that. I like shows where the characters have these little hang out spots that feel realistic and average- but for some reason the trend in teen shows is increasingly making settings that appeal strictly to preteens.

  Whatever. So Andrew has a new girlfriend and she's just the worst. But she has money so who cares. No one really likes her, and while Andre says he has feelings for her he later reveals to Tori that he's only dating her because her father is some big music producer and he hopes to do a song and dance for him. Tori momentarily tries to do the right thing for once in her god damn life but is immediately tempted into just hoping on board and doing a song and dance for the producer- so she does that instead.

  Andre breaks up with this girl on her birthday and he and Tori do a song and dance, which the producer enjoys. There's more to this but let me get the B-plot first.

 The B-plot is really the strong part of this episode, which is fitting because it takes up about 40% of the episodes runtime.  Jade helps Cat dogsit, but breaks a guitar worth legitimately hundreds of thousands of dollars like an idiot. Luckily Cat calls Robbie over, who also brings Beck (oo see because Beck and Jade just broke up you know. How spicy) and together they just... fix the guitar? It was broken into like 5 pieces. The wood had splintered apart you can't just take a fucking screwdriver and like screw the frets bac

So they finish fixing everything. But then Robbie breaks everything again like an idiot. Why is Robbie an idiot now? He has been for the last like 3 episodes. The rich guy who Cat is dogsitting for is coming right to the door when a very convenient earthquake hits, breaking more things and giving the gang a convenient alibi. 

Hey, we're back to the A-plot now. So during Tori and Andre's song and dance the earthquake hits, causing a massive sign to donk Andre's (ex) girlfriend in the head in a way that would make you legitimately concerned she was dead in real life. Thankfully she's just concussed- basically anyone who is annoying in a Dan Schneider show ends up wounded at the end. The producer (who is also this girls father) neglects seeing his daughter in the hospital and instead says "Or... lets hear Tori and Andre's song again!" in a manner that is absolutely baffling for a grown man to be saying about a song composed for 11 year olds. Props to the actor though, he seems to be having fun with it.

  That's about it. It's a good episode, with the B-plot shining through as particularly good and the A-plot being fairly standard. It just feels like it's missing a feeling that came with the first season though. It's not really a show about going to this new crazy prestigious high school anymore, so what is it? The show seems to have lost a bit of it's identity and attempts to make up for it by increasingly making the characters more and more volatile and eccentric. It's still a good episode, but it doesn't really provide that sense of escapism I originally watched this children's show for.

8/10

Side Notes:

•  Jade and Cat are best friends, with Cat being one of if not the only people Jade is casual and polite around. But for some reason Jade acts pretty antagonistically to her during the entire episode.

• Beck does a lot of like.. holding Cat during this episode? It kind of makes sense during the earthquake but not really. I like to imagine that Avan Jogia  was like "Yeah no I REALLY think that Beck should be holding Cat from behind in this scene. Maybe he takes a whiff of her hair what do you think Dan"

Car, Rain, And Fire

Car, Rain, And Fire

  Hello, I am still making a blog for a children's show.  I thought this episode was going to be bad but ended up pleasantly surprised. It doesn't have anything to do with being in a fancy private high school, but oh well. 

  The main plot sees a distressed cat crying over the death of her favorite actress from a 1960s TV show. Tori offers that they place a memorial at her house, but they can't drive so they take Jade as well. Jade has her own car- but for no reason they take Cat's brothers car instead. They go on a road trip to the actresses home and there are hijinks and it rains and whatever and it turns out the actress isn't really dead- but is simply starring in a show called "The Dead". She also makes a joke "Yeah, I'm playing David Schwimmer's wife" which is the most unexpected reference I would expect to hear in this show. 

   The B-plot is kind of goofy. Trina tells everyone Beck asked her out (to make other girls jealous) so he, Andre, and Robbie all pretend to be madly in love with Trina as 'revenge'.  Which doesn't make much of any sense. Like someone you don't like tries to date you and you say "oo yeah I'm really gonna get back at you by fucking you right here right now". Regardless, this embarrasses Trina for some reason. 

   So that's about it. At one point the girls are almost murdered by a man in a clown costume wandering the streets- but this is treated as a joke. So it's fine I guess. 

A good episode. Short to summarize, but it works, and you get a lot of synergy with the cast by breaking it up cleanly into the guys and the girls in this episode

A solid 8/10

The Worst Couple

The Worst Couple

      You know. This episode isn't really good. But it's also not bad enough to make fun of in a good way. Basically Beck wants out of his toxic relationship that he has no reason to be in, so him and Jade just argue for the first 15 minutes of the episode. And.. You know thats essentially it. There's a bit near the start where the main cast is in a gameshow run by Sinjin (A parody of The Newlywed Game called Queries for Couples) and its.. okay.. It should be the star of the episode but it's just not really good. It's so short, the jokes are more centered in the questions asked by Sinjin than what the main cast would bring to it, and it's just a bit of a let down.

   

   I think my main gripe with this episode is just that everyone seems like they're acting weird. Robbie seems far too much like a 'weirdo' and overall everyone just doesn't quite feel right. I get the feeling that this is the inbetween period where everyone in the cast is somewhat normal and flexible into being pigeon holed into their one respective trait. 

  Like I said. It's not the worst episode (Certainly isn't as bad as Gorilla club) but it's just not good. In comparison to Jade Dumps Beck it comes off as very basic and rudimentary. 

8/10

The Gorilla Club

The Gorilla Club

      In this episode Tori competes in an underground industrial challenge course in order to become more brave for a role. I remember reading the synopsis and thinking "wow that sounds awful." and you know, it is.

  Like Tori has some part she's going to audition for but her character is supposed to be streetwise and tough but Tori can't pull it off because she's a prissy aristocrat. So she joins some underground obstacle course thing where all the metal-goths hang out and competes in their trials. But it's all just so bad. There are like three depressing looking "trials" that most anyone above the age of 10 could easily complete, Avan Jorgia (Beck) tries his best to be the hype man who is coaching Tori but it's clearly just him trying to make his best effort to sell everything as "crazy" when for the most part it's all stuff you would see in a 5th graders field day. Tori's acting "improves" as the episode goes on but at this point it's too late. It's so hard to care about Tori's problem at this point and it's completely unconvincing that she's somehow been hardened by her experience in the equivalent of a McDonald's playplace.

  The B-Plot is also surprisingly poor. Robbie and Andre lose a bet to Jade when playing poker but don't have the money to pay her, so instead she 'makes' them do a dance whenever she yells "Hammer time!". It's just a realllly crude and rudimentary joke, and it's simply never funny. Elizabeth Gilles never seems comfortable yelling it, and it's just such an out of character "prank" for Jade to play because of how pedantic and lame it is.

There's also a C-plot where Jade is mad at Beck for coaching Tori?? But it literally lasts for 30 seconds and then doesn't go anywhere

I felt embarrassed when I started watching this show. You know, I still feel embarrassed watching this show. But this episode really made me feel viscerally sheepish and uncomfortable. 

The only saving grace is a slight scene near the middle where the group is just hanging out and playing poker, but even that isn't as good as similar scenes in episodes like The Great Ping Pong Scam.

I would say this is the worst episode so far unfortunately. And would give it a dissapointed 8/10

The Breakfast Bunch

The Breakfast Bunch

  This one is a parody of The Breakfast Club. 

   It works better than you think. I'm not sure if the modern average 13 year old (what is the target age for this show, actually?) has watched The Breakfast Club, but it doesn't really matter because the plot simply works it into being a "silly" storyline that ends up working either way.

  So you might be saying "Well how does that work? The Breakfast Club only has 5 characters and Victorious has 6". And well you got me there. And everyone else. The characters kind of overlap and shift as the episode goes on- and while it's initially confusing it ultimately works out. For a listing:

• Andre is most consistently Andrew with little deviation
• Robbie is nearly always Brain, but takes Allisons role after a while
• Jade is either Bender or Allison
• Cat is generally Claire, but sometimes does Allison scenes
• Beck is generally Bender (though he tends to have the most non-parody lines)
• Tori s kind of just whoever, and is basically anyone except for Andrew and Brian. 

It works pretty well, given that the Victorious cast tends to be partial representations of different 'cliques' already.

The plot is more or less that of The Breakfast Club, though with most themes replaced by more PG ones. It ends up being pretty funny most of the time. In particular Robbie has two scenes where he delivers Brian's "You're so conceited" line- but each time they're absolutely out of context and have Robbie crying without reason. Tacos are used as an allusion to both sex and weed, with the "Are you a virgin?" scene from the original movie being replaced with "Are you a vegan?". Judge me all you want it's clever.

  So yeah, it's a good little non-canon episode. It definitely helps to have watched The Breakfast Club in the last year or so- as a good handful of the jokes are references to fairly minor scenes. But as it happens I like the Breakfast Club a good deal, so it's an 8/10 from me.

A Christmas Tori

A Christmas Tori

9/10

Terror On Cupcake Street

Terror On Cupcake Street

  This episode is always on. Don't care what channel. Nick? Terror on Cupcake Street. CNN? Terror on Cupcake Street. HBO? Terror on Cupcake Street. It's everywhere. Which strikes me as odd because it's a very mediocre episode. 

  It starts off well. There's a good bit in the beginning where Sikowitz kicks every student not in the main group out and everyone lampshades how the extras never talk and "only react to things".

                                  alright you know whatever they get in a big cupcake in a big parade and a bunch of street thugs assault them. At one point I thought the episode was wrapping up but I was only 10 minutes in.

           The moral of the story is that the rich should never trust the poor

8/10

Side Notes:

• At one point Jade storms out of the classroom but in the next shot we can see her clearly still sitting behind Cat. And then in the shot after that we see her walking back in to the classroom.
• Cat actually functions as a 5 year old in this episode. Not sure why.

Jade Gets Crushed

Jade Gets Crushed

   I don't think Dan Scneider understands double ententes in titles. There are like 5 episodes of this show that have two 'meanings' but one of which doesn't apply to the episode. For example, in this episode Andre has a crush on Jade and thats it. I spent the entire episode thinking "Wonder when something is going to fall on Jade" and it just never happened.

   Anyway, hey; thats the plot of the episode. Andre works with Jade on a song and since he treats her like a human being (unlike Tori) and extends some basic friendship to her (unlike Tori) he finds that Jade is actually a very polite and pleasant person to be around. So he gets a crush on her or whatever. He vents to Tori about this and they decide there is only one way to solve this problem- take your pick:

1.) He talks to Jade about it and expresses his feelings like a normal person

2.) He keeps his feelings private for a bit, waiting to see if they either subside or prove to be something more serious

3.) They seek alternative methods to help Andre get over it, maybe finding him a different girl

4.) They do a song and dance.

It's the last one. 

They do a song and dance addressed to Jade but without using her name and that helps Andre get over it. Why? I don't know, who do you think I am?

The B-Plot of this episode is good. Robbie assists Tori in studying for a tech crew exam by putting her through an obstacle course like drill. The "dummy actors" Robbie uses are cardboard cutouts of Cat- and he is frequently questioned on why he owns them. It's funny.

In a C-plot, Cat gets moon shoes. That's it.

  You know what? This is a good episode. Same with the last one. It's down to earth, Tori is a decent person, everyone (save Beck and Trina) is involved somehow, and there's a lot of conversation that makes the episode feel longer than its 26 minute time slot. So far I would put it in the top 5, but I'm only half way done with this show for 11 year olds as it is.

8/10