Robarazzi

Robarazzi

   This episode starts with a few things happening. Cat has two gay uncles, Rex watches Fox News, and for some reason the senior class of this school has the ability to delete Robbie's theslap.com account because it's too boring. In this episode theslap is treated like some blog where students report things. God, can you imagine having a blog that just talks about inane nonsense no one cares about? I can't imagine how much you would have to hate yourself.

    So this episode is basically one big B-plot. Robbie becomes the head of a club parodying TMZ where he makes fun of other students. It seems funny, but I've also never watched TMZ. He becomes cool in the eyes of the poorly dressed extras that occupy the school, but his friends resent him.
    At one point a "Cool senior" says "Uh yeah it's popular.. it's trending" in a way that made me pause the episode and write it down here. Anyway, it feels about like an All That skit for a bit, so that's nice. 

   Robbie ends up just being a douchebag for no real reason. The group takes embarrassing photos of him and threatens to post them unless he deletes his TMZ account. Then they're just friends again.

   Cat buys a bunch of stuff online. 

  Overall I think it's just an odd choice to have Robbie be the TMZ guy in this episode. It seems better suited as something that would be written around Jade or Cat, as Robbie comes off uncharacteristically narcissistic and short sighted throughout. 

  At the end Cat seduces Sinjin (the rapist) into buying her things. 

    Yeah that's it. 8/10.

    

The Birthweek Song

The Birthweek Song

      Hello. This is an episode about friends giving eachother something for their birthday. Must be nice.

I'll just start with the B-plot because it might as well be the main storyline for what it's worth. Robbie and Cat have to provide tech support for Robbie's grandmother. Thats it. And you know what, it functions much better than the main story. Robbie and Cat tend to do very well in scenes together, which is presumably why every 9 year old in this country wanted them to bang. I have no idea where Nickelodeon gets all of these elderly actors but I honestly respect them for their work. 

So the main plot is that it's Trina's birthday and Tori has to get her a birthday gift. She struggles to think of anything for the first 10 minutes before Andre offers doing a song and dance. This might come across as a gift that a child might give and not a 16/17 year old, but I guess they just took the artistic liberty figuring that most everyone watching is a child (and one adult man). The song ends up being strangely romantic sounding. Presumably the writers at Nick tried to walk the thin line of creating a single to be played at 8th grade send-offs but also one that could be forced into the plot of this episode. One of the background guitarists looks like he genuinely wants to die while also staring into Victoria Justice's ass. This might be the first time we see Tori's parents I don't know. You could just throw two different Caucasian people into every scene and I woulden't notice. 

Hey, doesn't it seem like the episode should be done by now? It's actually only halfway through. 

  Anyway. The episode does some stuff and ends with Robbie and Cat lying to an old woman and running off. The main plot also concludes.

That's about it. Rex is immediately put away at the start of this episode, something that should really happen every episode. Robbie's character does fine without him, and his scenes with Cat woulden't work if they also had to write in the puppet all the time. So I appreciate that. 

8/10

Jade Dumps Beck

Jade Dumps Beck

   Hello. This is still a blog that reviews Victorious. This one is called Jade Dumps Beck- that's the title of the episode. 

   I still can't get over how un-cool the extras in this show are. Not because I'm a 13 year old concerned with how close my show imitates the popular kids, but because how frequently we're told how cool every student is supposed to be. Sinjin is an actual rapist. I don't know I'm not in high school maybe thats the new trend

    Anyway. Beck hangs out with some girl who is apparently a well known celebrity. It would be like if I walked up to you and said I sometimes get coffee with Ariana Grande. Only in my dreams. Anyway Jade gets mad and breaks up with him or whatever. This scene is notable because Jade is wearing a Gears Of War messenger bag. I like to picture that some poor intern had his bag commandeered by Dan Schneider himself after realizing all of their props were fedoras and outfits from 2003. Then again, maybe the show is just trying to take a nuanced approach to establish the background and hobbies of it's characters in a way that respects the intelligence of the viewer.

   I'm kidding.

  So they break up and Jade becomes immediately distressed and cries to Tori who vows to fix it or something. Tori teaches Jade the meaning of being a girlfriend (buy him better presents) and they get him some dog they find on the streets. I never really got this logic in shows where people get eachother pets. When people want a dog and don't have one, it's not like acquiring the dog is the great challenge. They just can't have the responsibility of taking care of it. I mean it's not like dogs are this rare commodity you have to 

   Ok so the dog mauls Beck's dad but Beck and Jade get back together because Beck would rather rejoin his toxic relationship than be with a kind girl he has already stated to have similar interests with.

  The B-Plot is something about Trina having a play that Robbie has to review I don't know honestly I watched this a few hours ago and I'm trying to piece the fragments together in my mind for this review.

     Overall I thought this was a good episode. It was funny to see Jade's character act distressed and more human, and the plot feels pretty realistic and makes sense. It also shifts the light away from Tori a bit, who is for some reason the worst character in a show named after her. 8/10

Side Notes:

• Beck has a housecleaner who shuffles out of his RV at one point, after which he calls out "Thanks Consuela!". This woulden't be offensive, but the maid is clearly not at all Latin American.
• Beck lives in his own RV in his parents driveway because "My parents said if I was under their roof I was under their rules, so under my roof, my rules". Despite this, Beck is only ever shown to work very occasionally as an extra on sets, so there's basically no chance his parents didn't buy that RV in the first place.

Wifi In The Sky

Wifi In the Sky

    This episode doesn't have a listed episode number on the website I'm watching these on and I can't be bothered to just figure it out myself, so I'm writing on this episode next, because I don't think I've seen this one and if my entire life is going to waste away I might as well put some variety into it.

  Alright the episode opens with Tori and Trina being probably the most nightmarish people to have on a plane. In the first 4 minutes they complain about the food, become angered at the speed of the plane, yell at a child, and talk at full volume to a skype call without headphones on. It should also be noted that this plane has maybe 50% of the seats filled, with Tori and Trina just haphazardly putting a pile of luggage on a vacant seat.

   Anyway the plot is just the group trying to create a homework assignment in skype so I can essentially write the entirety of the story in side notes. That being said, this is a surprisingly good episode. The cast all shares a lot of screentime, Cat isn't too dumb, Jade isn't too mean, and the major conflict makes sense and feels right for anyone who has worked on group projects with friends in the past. I never laughed out loud or anything because this is still a childrens show I haven't completely lost my mind yet, but there are some funny parts that seem wittier than normal. 

Ultimately I would say it's a contender for one of the best episodes, and would give it an 8/10.

Side notes:

• The background of Tori's computer has a few jokes in it. Most of the groups usernames are references or jokes, and Rex has his own 'skype' account (RexAndTheCity).
• Additionally, we see parts of everyone's house. Cat has large framed photos of bunnies, Andre lives in a fairly typical older home, Beck has a kind of avant-garde teens room, Jade's room is hilariously dark and gloomy with dead animals in jars on the shelf, a sign that simply says "Revenge", and a computer background that is just a picture of a raven.
• This is the first time someone says "KK", which ends up being a running joke later on in this show and Sam and Cat I think. 
• Robbie is treated strangely as an outcast of the group in this episode. He requests to join the call (which he can see all of his friends are having without him) and everyone groans in annoyance before permitting him to join.
• Robbie is also strangely crippled in this episode. Normally there is some distinction that Rex is being controlled (more or less) by Robbie but his entire premise for calling the group is to complain that his puppet bailed on his plans to see a movie. 
• Their group project is writing a seven page script that night. I'm not saying that's a terribly easy assignment, but it's not like every minute counts. Despite this, the script they come up with is garbage.
• I'm pretty sure Beck drinks a Jarritos orange soda during this. I love Jarritos orange soda.
• Beck and Andre are terrified of seeing Trina's butt as she walks across the field of vision of the camera, for some reason a lot of nick shows do this where annoying character=hideous to everyone around them.
• At one point in the episode, Jade kicks open a door inwards.
• Sinjin, who is normally just kind of creepy presumably to make Robbie not look too much like a completely broken outcast- breaks into Jade's house just to sit in her chair and then video chat her. It's funny in context, but at the same time is frighteningly close to being an actual rapist.
• Andre's grandma punches the computer screen, which for some reason gives everyone else a cracked view of Andre when it should be the other way around. 
• Parez Hilton was somehow convinced to do a cameo in this episode. If this seems weird, wait for the Ke$ha episode.

Beck's Big Break

Becks Big Break

    Becks Big Break is more or less the first episode that doesn't focus on Tori exclusively. This episode is notable for introducing Festus, a recurring character who serves as the school cook. Of course this is Hollywood Arts, so food is served out of a food truck and there is no conventional cafeteria to be seen. Festus has a made up vaguely slavic sounding accent- though is later revealed to come from a made up island nation parodying Cuba. This will come up later in an episode that I can't tell is offensive or not. He also has a profile on TheSlap.com (as in, the actual website you can visit), where a great number of actual 9 year old girls berate him for being ugly. C'est la vie.

   Anyway. To summarize the plot, Beck (Avan Jogia) gets an acting role as a waiter in a movie somewhere between Falling Down and a soap opera. Tori gets both herself and Beck kicked off the set after correcting the female lead, presumably some other stuff happens, and the female lead is shot with a crossbow after Tori confronts her again. At this point I was really worried the episode would end with the director saying "You know what, lets have this 16 year old girl star!" (it would have really ruined the faith I have in this childrens TV show), but I was well relieved to see that the production crew simply enjoys the ability to replace the lead actress while giving Tori and Beck their parts back.

  Again this episode does suffer from a lack of real resolution. I'd say I enjoyed this ending more than most. It's funny and nice and doesn't feel too obvious, but it still just "happens". Tori doesn't do anything, she just witnesses events as problems arise and fall before her. It also never really shows the discord between Beck and Tori in a meaningful way. Tori ruins Becks big break (Hey, that's the title of the episode), but there's no real emotion on his part or between them. Jade isn't even shown to be mad at Tori for ruining Beck's role. Because of this there's no real gravitas to the situation. Unlike previous episode Stage Fighting, Tori has nothing on the line here but her own guilt. None of her friends have differing opinions on it, and ultimately even her friendship with Beck isn't on the line. Instead of the episode being a 'crisis' and 'return to normalcy' (as many sit-coms structure plots), Victorious is always on the up and up. Minor problems always end with a redemption that brings Tori into a heroic light despite being the source of the conflict in the first place. It helps to establish the more dream like atmosphere of the show, but it causes Victorious to stand out from shows like Drake and Josh and any anything else not created by Dan Schneider.

As a side note, the B-Plot in this episode (which normally stands out as being the better half of the episode) is really not great. It revolves around Robbie having nightmares of his puppet Rex and going to the school counselor. The show always gets very close to making the Robbie and Rex thing interesting, and does best when it lampshades that Rex is just a puppet and that Robbie really has some deep personal issues but it never finishes the job. Characters always ultimately end up falling into the recurring joke that Rex is as real of a person as anyone else, but it's always so far out of reality and never really delivered like a joke. It ends up being stagnant by episode 5 or whatever, and the show always seems burdened by having to make Rex a facet of Robbie despite Robbie's character standing on its own.

8/10

Stage Fighting

Stage Fighting

  

 Hello. This is the third episode of Victorious, Stage Fighting. I woulden't say it's a great episode, but it's alright. The cast (bar Robbie) has to go through a Stage Fighting class. Tori gets paired with Jade, who fakes being actually hit by Tori. They end up making up in the end and become friends, which seems a bit odd given that we're only three episodes in and the major antagonist has developed to just stop being mean.

  It doesn't really stand out too much. I find that episodes that focus on Tori just don't have the same quality as those that use more of an ensemble cast. I would honestly say this is probably the one thing that takes the show down- Tori's character never feels like it has dimension to it, she is always the bumbling newbie with "incredible talent" and it just never feels rewarding to see her struggle or overcome her problems. It would be like if The Office used Ryan as a central character.  

        The B-plot is Robbie falling in love with any woman who gives him the slightest amount of affection due to crippling social inadequacy and low self-worth.

Ironically, this is also my B-plot. 

   I'm going to have to go with an 8/10 for this one. 

The Bird Scene

The Bird Scene

    The premise of The Bird Scene isn't established for the first 5 minutes of the episode, which is really a type of record for a nick show. I'd also say episode two has the first part of Victorious that is actually kind of funny to someone who isn't a 13 year old girl, which is the acting teacher (Sikowitz) hurling a plastic ball at people mid sentence. It's not comedic genius, but it works in context. Eric Lange as Sikowitz honestly does do a good job in the show throughout, and his character seems most suited as a foil to the rest of the cast- with jokes that more closely reminisce earlier shows like All That and Drake and Josh.  

     Rex (The puppet) also has a new look from this point onward, looking much more ethnically ambiguous presumably to qualm fears that having a black-ish puppet talking in Ebonics would be seen as a bad move. This being said, I was surprised to see that Rex was not actually voice acted by Matt Bennett (Robbie) doing a voice, but just by some adult producer dubbing over the scenes. This is also one of the only scenes where Rex is at all treated like an actual puppet, being thrown to the ground by Robbie at about minute three (also notable is that the puppet lets out a grunt when hitting the ground despite being separated from Robbie at this point, meaning that Robbie grunts for Rex even when he has no line of sight on him).

   The plot is a lot more straightforward than the pilot. Tori has to perform a skit (the Bird Scene) in a way that appeases Sikowitz, but there's some unknown trick or secret to it that everyone else knows but can't tell her. It's actually a pretty nice premise, and I think the show does best when it's structured in a Tori vs. Everyone way, where her inexperience in the school is a bit isolating.

There's also a B-plot where Robbie and Andre join a ballet class to try and hit on girls. It ends with 25 dudes running at full speed at a single vulnerable girl who is only trying to live her life. and then Robbie and Andre kick eachother in the groin or something I got a bit lost in thought and zoned out for a while.

   The episode ends with Tori finally standing up for herself and asserting that her scene was good, which was the secret all along. This is a nice lesson and all but it comes across as odd for two reasons:

1. Sikowitz told Tori that she did good after all of her performances. So there's really no reason she should feel the need to stick up for herself. She knows she's performing well, she just doesn't know what component she was missing. 

2. Sikowitz makes a point that as an actress she should listen to her own heart and disregard what other people say for her to do (and even avoid asking for feedback, in a school setting), which is absolutely not what you should do as an entry level actor/actress.

  So it's a pretty good episode. There's a lot of focus on the rites of passage Tori goes through at Hollywood Arts, which is seen again later on. Compared to later episodes it feels grounded. Everything is of course over the top, but it works. You feel like it's a scenario that could actually happen in this alternate version of growing up that the audience inevitably did not and will not ever experience, where rites of passage are clear cut and success is always encouraged and celebrated by everyone in a direct way.Victorious (and  things like Zoey 101) have that 'guilty pleasure' atmosphere. Not in the traditional sense where I enjoy it but feel I shouldn't, but because it feels so "perfectly imperfect" and picturesque and all. I can't describe it, but Dan Schneider is good at it.

I'd give it an 8/10. 

   

Some side notes:

• At about 7:30 there is what seems to be a 35 year old woman sitting as an extra in the classroom. She is then missing for the rest of the scene. 
• Ariana Grande speaks in a normal voice in this episode (and a lot of season 1). After a while she gets in the habit of speaking about an octave higher than normal.
• There's a scene where Tori tries to seduce Robbie into telling her the secret behind the Bird Scene. There's not really a fun fact here, but it did make me reflect 
• There are a lot of fedoras in this school. There's nearly at least one extra wearing one, and even when there isn't fedoras are constantly placed on desks and shelves as props. 

Pilot

This is a blog that chronicles a series of reviews of the show Victorious. I used to write them in google docs, but will be uploading most of them here so in the event I suddenly die my friends and family have one last thing to make fun of me for.

Pilot

      Victorious is a show about a group of vaguely 16-or-so year olds attending a prestigious performing arts school. It ran from 2010-2013 and was created by Dan Schneider, who created most iconic 'modern' teen nick shows such as Drake and Josh, Zoey 101, Icarly, and probably some other stuff. Victorious also started the careers primarily of Ariana Grande and Victoria Justice, if you count Victoria Justice as being famous.

    The pilot is notable for a few reasons. There are a few 'artistic' choices that differ from the rest of the series, and in general the tone is far more reminiscent of Schneider's earlier shows- with common tropes such as silly/gross school projects, inane relatives (Andre's grandmother serves as his comedic aspect for much of the show), and a nearly fantasy level of affluence and freedom in a group of teenagers.

   Another particular recurring theme through the show is "The Slap", which is seen as a catch-all social media website in the show, with functions somewhere between twitter and myspace. It seems that The Slap was designed as almost an alternate reality game, where fans would presumably use it while watching the show to see live updates as the characters use it. It's still up at theslap.com, frozen in time in a way that makes me irrationally sad to look at.  

   

   Regardless, the plot is pretty straightforward. Victoria Justice (Tori Vega) has to give an impromptu performance after her sister Trina has an allergic reaction. She does great, so great that the relatively informal talent show performance becomes set with backup dancers, rave lighting, and sparkler canons. After this Tori is immediately bombarded with swaths of grown men telling her "That was great!! Who are you??" with the same bravado as if she had just defeated ISIS through the power of song and dance.

She accepts an offer to attend Hollywood Arts, which despite being just marketed as a school where everyone is extremely talented and cool, somehow seems to have a student body far dweebier than the average US High School. The opening shot immediately pans a fedora wearing 15 year old taking a flash photo of two other 15 year old boys in street wear doing an interpretive dance to a drum solo being performed on buckets. In spite of this Tori says "This is not an average high school! Kids are all artsy and creative and I'm just.. normal" in the same way my pediatrician told my parents I was just being creative when trying to consistently throw myself out of the moving car at age 5. Trina is also accepted into the school despite not actually auditioning or being talented in any field. If it sounds like I'm saying 'despite' a lot, it's because the plot doesn't make any sense. 

  The rest of the cast is then rapidly introduced as they literally walk in and out of the room one by one. Cat (Ariana Grande) is described as 'naive' in a seemingly tongue and cheek way, Robbie is awkward and tends to disassociate himself into his puppet, Beck Oliver is really only in the show to sexually awaken 13 year old girls, and Jade is goth in a nickelodeon-goth way and not in a Helena-on-repeat-while-roleplaying-as-a-vampire-online way.

  There's 10 more minutes in the episode but it's not really worth talking about. Tori- wanting to fit in and not be bullied by Jade simply beats her in an argument and then kisses her boyfriend. Teaching teens the valuable lesson that if you're pretty enough things will just kind of happen in a positive way regardless of your actions or attitude. That's it.

Overall I'd give it a 8/10.